former girlfriends and trig
by Adria Ember
Summary: His aspirin is running low.


I'm not going to lie: she drives me up the wall. Actually, everyone who crosses her path starts to feel sanity slip from them. I should know—I've been around her long enough to observe what happens. Sometimes, I almost want to jump over the edge of a building because of the way she acts. Another little round of _Yay me!_ and I'm sent into the next room just to bang my head against the wall.

But, hey, that's not most of the time. For me, at least. I'm tolerant, apparently, as everyone else runs and hides when she comes walking down the street. Zack tells me it's the only possible way I can be compared to a super hero, seeing that I'm the only one left on the street when she walks by. And then again, her company has never bothered me; it's the insane words that come from her mouth. Not just that: at times, it's like talking to a kindergartner. Seemingly, no one else can take it. However, she's grown on me and, hey, that's fine.

You see, that sort of happens when you grow up with someone like her. Zack has created barriers so that when she threatens him, he'll have a comeback. But, other than that, the both of them could have been twins instead. They have the same type of logic and money is the heart of their worlds. Not to mention the lack of self-control.

"Cody, I just got a private jet for getting an A on my test! Yay me!"

A series of uncontrollable clapping and quick jumping causes me to the turn to the next person passing by. I don't even know the guy but he looks gullible enough.

"Look, I need to run and get some aspirin," I tell the complete stranger, "I'll give you ten bucks if you keep her occupied with something that doesn't involve life-threatening or traumatizing behavior."

The young man shrugs and takes the offer. As I speed off to find some medicine to aid my headache, I hear London call after me.

"But Cody! I didn't thank you for your help!"

-x-

For the last three months, I've assisted London Tipton with her school work. It's not that time-consuming, considering she's at the sixth grade level still (but I actually think it's lower than that). So you'd think tutoring her would be a breeze since it's at that learning capacity. Don't kid yourself. This is London, I'm talking about. Even now, she doesn't understand substitution in math, doesn't get grammar, can't comprehend who the Founding Fathers are and don't get me started on her view of Davinci (to cut it short, she believes it's a main course for a Chinese meal). Her father awards her each time she gets an A. With the first A plus she was given her own cabin, so no more rooming with Baily.

Though I make it sound terrible, she's paying me. But don't tell Zack, he's still under the impression I'm doing this out of the goodness of my heart. Nevertheless, five hundred dollars a week is going to raise my savings account, so I'm bought.

I told her there were rules, such as no distractions while I'm trying to teach her, we always do the work in her cabin (apparently, mine is too scary for her, too much "smart person stuff" in there) and keeping the_ Yay me!_'s to a minimum of three. That's all we've ever been concerned about. Focusing is the issue for her and me getting a mustang convertible the next time I set foot on land are the main priorities. Shouldn't be too hard.

-x-

Until this afternoon when she's late to one of our sessions and she runs in with nothing but a bikini on. Then things start to get hard. Oh—and, uh, difficult too. Yeah, really...difficult.

"London?"

Said girl blinks repeatedly and rapidly as she searches the room. "Cody? I can't see... I was in the sun too long! Now everything is in spots and darkness...!"

Normally, I would sigh and brush it off because it's London and things can't get any worse than that. But my eyes are glued to the wall opposite of her, where I can't see anything revealing...or appealing. Even then, I'm covering my face, whimpering to any higher force that may take pity on me.

"London...please put something on..."

I think that came out more girly than it was supposed to. But she doesn't notice, as I hear her scrambling and falling over the numerous objects in her cabin. "Who put this bed here? They are _fired_!"

She falls over the bed again. I give a frustrated sigh. "Can't you just cover yourself?"

"With what? This blanket?"

"YES!"

-x-

I don't sleep very well tonight thanks to two hours of excruciating tutoring with a half-naked girl bundled up in a single comforter and humming to herself. Usually, we can go through three hours (that's in the 'agreement') but I made an excuse. She believed it, of course.

There's no way that's going to happen again. Sure, London's pretty hot in bikini's and that's, like, the third time I've ever seen her in one, but that doesn't mean I'm about to crush on her. I mean...this is _London_. As an intelligent individual, I'm supposed to be attracted to people of my nature. Like..._Baily_. Despite the fact that we broke up, I have confidence we'll get back together. So there's no reason to freak out about London and the on-and-off boner I got whenever I looked her way.

Nope. Nothing noteworthy.

-x-

"Dude, those boxers don't hide much. Maybe you should consider fixing that. I'll, uh, leave the—"

My eyes narrow at Zack with murderous intent. Immediately, he raises his hands in the air as surrender.

"Hey, I'm just trying to help. Oh, I know! Should I take the dirty magazines from under your bed?"

I want to tell him I don't have have any dirty magazines under my bed (no, that's too obvious—I put them in the back of the closet, where no one will suspect...I should put them somewhere else) but another image of London bouncing into the room with the strings of her top nearly coming undone flies into my head and groan in irritation.

It's only been an hour since trying to lesson London. Zack came in to talk about some girl he just scored a date with, but I could only nod and stare blankly at him for obvious reasons. But of course my darling brother is understanding and just _has_ to address the situation I'm in.

Zack makes an attempt to look under my bed but I yell at him to stop. He blinks in surprise and stares at me, confused.

"What's wrong?"

"Look, I'd like to be alone."

"Oh, got that," Zack shrugs, "but I don't think dirty magazines are going to help you."

"Are you serious?" I deadpan. _Enough_ with the dirty magazines already. "Zack, I'm not looking at anything. I'm just...going to ignore it! Hah! I'm a genius."

Well. I'm not always smart and apparently Zack realizes this too.

"You can't ignore a _boner_, man."

"Just...go away..." I whimper.

"All right," he claps his hands together and sighs out. "But London wanted to know if you were sick or something. She said she's only paying you one third. What's that even mean? Why's she paying you?"

Alarm passes through my mind. If Zack finds out, he'll want in, and I want that car! (And house, at the rate things are going.) But then I realize what Zack recounted from London. One third? I want to laugh. We've just begun going over fractions. At least she's a bit right, considering it's supposed to be two thirds, but she'll pay me full price regardless.

"Uh...I was just helping her, um, paint her room another color. Y'know...she insisted and all... Yeah, that's how it went."

Zack doesn't seem to buy it. "She doesn't do work."

"Hence the 'helping' part."

"She has real workers to do that for her, Cody."

"Uh...yeah, but—"

Something passes through my pitiful, perverted, seventeen year old brother's mind.

"Cody," he says in a low, serious voice, "are you letting London use you?"

Well, let's see, she's using me for getting A's in class and I'm using her for all the money I will ever get in my life. So, yeah, it works both ways.

"I'm teaching her, Zack."

"Teaching her what, exactly?"

That weird look still is plastered on his face. What? Is something wrong?

"Uh, her studies..."

"No, I mean," Zack says it in a whisper, "are you getting paid for..._y'know_..."

It takes a second. And then another. I actually have to remember how my brother thinks before I'm staring at him wide-eyed and backing away from him.

"What's wrong with you?"

"What? Is it true?"

I grab his arm and throw him out of my cabin. "No, no, no, no! Out! Not cool! Gross! Stop!"

"Wait, bro, I'm here if you wanna talk! It's all right, everyone goes through something like this."

"No they don't! Stop talking! Oh, for the love of God, just stop talking!"

I slam the door in his face and lock it. Breathing heavily with anger, I stagger to the bed and drop.

Maybe I can come up with a plan to avoid London for the next few days. I'm not going to get any sleep, so might as well.

-x-

"Is something wrong with you?"

I give Baily a feigned innocent look, grinning and leaning over to her. "No, why?"

Baily offers nothing but a cold demeanor. "London thinks she did something wrong."

"Did you tell her it might be because she thinks she can do no wrong?"

My eyes flicker over to the nearby table, where my school supplies are spread out. I've been attempting to finish some Trig homework. However, it's missing, so while I'm on duty as towel boy, I'm also trying to get my other subjects done. Which isn't going so well, now that this lovely girl is reminding me of a certain air headed Tipton.

"Stop it," Baily warns, flicking her long hair prettily over her shoulder. "I think you should talk to her."

"Oh, uh, not a good idea. How about we spend some time together instead?"

I receive a rather unfriendly stare. "I don't mind telling Zack about you getting paid to help with her school."

She walks away briskly, content with herself. I look after her, wondering how I fell in love with such a detrimental, yet beautiful girl.

-x-

So Plan: Avoid London Tipton At All Costs doesn't go down too well, thanks to a former girlfriend of mine. Unfortunately, I'm on my way to London's cabin, ready to say a quick sorry (because she'll forgive me in less than a second) and run away. I wore sneakers just for that specific reason.

My face scrunches up in pain as my fist slowly makes it to the wood door of London. I pause, questioning whether or not I should put my mind into jeopardy like the last time. But I don't get the chance to decide as the door swings open and the bright, happy face of London pops into my view.

Yes, I scream in shock. But she doesn't notice, wrapped up in the happiness of seeing me, I guess.

"Cody! I thought you hated me! I'm so glad you're here. Come on in!"

She grips my wrist and pulls me inside her cabin. My eye twitches as thoughts run through my mind that is slowly becoming more and more like my twin's. Tearing my arm from her touch, I sigh and look around. Something familiar catches my eye.

My Trig homework! As London sits down at her new desk, she pushes it in my directions. Grinning, "Here, you left it the last time you were here. I wanted to give it to you yesterday, but I couldn't find you! Zack told me you didn't want to speak to me anymore."

I'm going to have a nice heart-to-heart with my brother after this. "London...thanks, but I think we should go over another rule."

She nods for me to continue, her eyes wide. This is going to be painful.

"I, uh, believe we should be..._properly dressed_ before we do any more lessons."

"Okay!" she turns to the homework and hands it to me. "I thought you left it for me to practice, but then I saw your name on it. Then it got confusing."

What? Shouldn't she have been confused from the start? This math is six grades above her. I glance at the papers and sit down, sighing when I find her neat, curly handwriting all over my work. Now I have to start over. Awesome.

But as I study the problems closer, I realize that the first one is right. Odd. I check the second, realizing with horror that it's right too. How could she get these right? I shoot a look at her and she smiles brightly.

"How is this possible?"

"What?"

I ignore her. There has to be some way she got these right with logic reasoning. London can't even add two and two together and get four. Is she cheating? No, London can't cheat. She doesn't know where to look. And all her work is right there on the paper. She actually figured them out.

Could it be all the kid work is too dumb for her? Nah.

But I'm going to test my theory. Handing her the papers, I ask, "London, do this problem for me."

"Oh, Cody, I'm not going to do your work for you."

"No, I want to see you try."

She takes it as a challenge and begins studying the problem I pointed to. She blinks a couple times before writing out work that would take my five minutes. In seconds, she's finished.

"Happy?"

"London...you just did a college level math problem. Why the hell am I feeding you children's addition homework when you're doing this?"

She shrugs her shoulders, oblivious to my shock. "I don't understand the other stuff. That's why I'm paying you, remember?"

"No, London," I get on my knees, breathless and struggling for her to understand just this once, "you're wasting time with me trying to learn addition and subtraction. I don't know how this is even right or possible in this universe, but I'm sure as hell you can get a college degree with what you know. Why hadn't we noticed this sooner?"

Stop talking, Cody. I'm never going to buy a down payment for a house this way. Or pay for Harvard and all the classes I plan to take...

Nevertheless, London simply looks at me with a small smile.

"But, Cody," she laughs out, "I'd miss you if I went to college. Besides, I don't need college with all the money I have."

-x-

"So things are okay with you and London, right?"

I try not to feel a sinking feeling as Baily leans up close to me. With my mind already filled with recent encounters with London, I almost don't have room for Baily. That's a terrible thought. I've got to stop thinking about London.

Putting my fake grin, I turn to her. "Yeah, totally. We're getting along... As much as we can, anyway."

Last night, I was thinking about how jealous I am over London's ability. Seriously? How come she gets to be the savant and I'm left working my ass off for a good college. And she doesn't even need the knowledge!

"Good!" Baily smiles back. "So...uh, now that things are all right with you and London, I was thinking that maybe-"

"Cody! Cody, Cody, Cody!"

And that's the part where I want to bang my head against the wall and run off to find aspirin. London's like that evil little sister who barges in and ruins moments, even unintentionally. Yep, like a little sister who is older than me. And got a boner from. And I'm not going to think about this.

London skids to a stop in front of me, holding onto her purse desperately. She grips my shoulder with both hands and shakes me with a terrified look.

"Cody, Cody—!"

"I get it! Just what do you want?"

"I...I'll see you later, Cody," Baily half-waves, not wanting to deal with London, apparently.

"Wait! No!" I let my head fall into my hand.

"Cody," London goes on, unaware, "I need help with this essay! My grade dropped!"

...That's it? I missed out on a date with Baily for that? I glare daggers into her, but London's oblivious structure blocks them.

"Will you help me?"

"Yeah, whatever, London."

-x-

An hour and a half later, the pair are in her cabin, going over what adjectives mean.

"I don't understand," Cody sighs out, "You can write out a solution to a Trig problem in less than ten seconds, but you don't get the word 'theoretical'."

"Or catie-list," she chirps and then returns to filing her nails.

I stare at her strangely until I correct her, "You mean 'catalyst', right?"

"That too."

Sighing, I open the bottle of aspirin. She pauses in her 'work' and I stop, looking at her questionably.

"What's up?"

Her mouth opens then closes, apparently indecisive of what to say. A frown crosses her brow as she tells me, "I saw on TV that you can get addicted to those things."

Too late, actually. With her around, it's all I can do but get addicted. "It's all right, London. Once the school year's over, I'm sure I'll be fine."

London shakes her head, suddenly determined. "You take five of those each time I see you. Give them," she makes a grab for them but I dodge. "Hand it over, Cody."

"What?" Is she seriously telling me what to do? Uh, not happening. "Don't patronize me."

She stands, towering above me. "I have no idea what that means, but you're giving up those pills now."

And that's when London Tipton makes a dive for the bottle of aspirin. On top of me. My head hits the carpet floor and I dart my hand everywhere out of her reach in an attempt to keep my precious ailment away from her clutches. Her knees come up to my neck as she straddles me, her nails basically scratching at my arms.

It works, until she loses her balance and lands right on me. If it were Zack, I'd freak and throw him off me. Baily? I'd keep here there for a few moments until she started beating me to a pulp. Woody? I would die of suffocation. Anyone else, I'd know what to do. But this is London, whose chest happens to be positioned in my face. Not helping, especially when every perverted fantasy I previously had of London comes flooding into my mind.

And, of course, London's too preoccupied trying to get the bottle. Still. _Yeah_, I'm praying she's not smart enough to realize I have a boner already. Damn.

"Got it! HAH!" the princess snaps up in her previous sitting position on top of me, looking quite smug as she tightly grips the bottle in her hands. (You can guess I gave up just a second ago.) "Yay me!"

"Yay you," I respond in monotone. "Off, London."

She ignores the demand and points at me. "You're never seeing these ever again, mister."

Too caught up in being proud of herself, she nearly jumps up and down, successfully making the situation even worse than possible. Maybe my life is just prone to these unfortunate cases. Looking back, I honestly believe that's true. And most of the time, it happened around Zack. Huh. Guess I don't need my twin to get in a bind after all.

I'm torn between letting her stay there until she decides her hair needs to be brushed again or throwing her the hell off me. But, again, I don't even get the chance to decide as abruptly stands and swiftly runs out the door.

"What are you doing...?"

"Throwing these over deck!"

...So now I have a prolonged headache and an unattended boner? You're just the sweetest thing, aren't you, London. Plus, you're endangering the ocean by throwing drugs into it. Sighing, I drag myself up and go after her.

-x-

The next time I see her, she's on the phone, yelling at some poor marketer. Apparently, since she's got a cabin to herself, she wants it redecorated regularly. This month's theme: pink, fluffy stuffed animals. I just saw a bunch of light pink bunnies, teddy bears and puppies enter her room just a minute ago. Yeah, we're going to have to discuss how that's going to affect my dreams if I have to tutor her with those eyes staring at me.

London hangs up promptly and smiles wide in my direction. I set the towels down as she approaches me, a light bounce to her step.

"I got an A! Yay me!" She claps and I feel another headache coming on. "Thanks, Cody!"

"No problem, London."

"Hey! Since the school year's almost over, let's celebrate!"

"No, London. People do that _when_ it's over."

"Then we'll celebrate then too!" she grips my arm and marches over to Moesby, who has been eyeing us warily the whole time. "Please let him off work."

Moesby pinches the bridge of his nose. "He's supposed to be off. But he wants to earn more money."

Raising an eyebrow, she turns to me. I can only smile sheepishly. "It's for my down payment...?" I attempt.

"Whatever. I'll see you at the pool in ten minutes," she briskly walks off before I can even ask what we're supposed to be doing.

-x-

She's already there when I arrive. Her hair is up and sparkly things seem to be scattered all over body as she wears a long skirt and small top. No one's around and it's just us. It's dark and quiet, just the sound of waves below.

London smiles and I forget I'm crossing the line all over again.

Silently, she slips besides me and hands over an envelope. I arch an eyebrow but she nods for me to open it. My hands fumble as I tear the paper over, revealing a notice. Glancing over it, my heart stops as I read the rest of the document.

"London...this is for a place in Cambridge, right by—"

"Harvard University," she finishes quietly. Averting her eyes away, "It was a birthday gift awhile back from my father. Until a few months ago, I never realized it existed, really. I found out it was by the university you've always wanted to go to."

Frowning, "I can't accept this, London."

"I don't want it, Cody. It's useless to me. You won't have to pay for a dorm room or an apartment nearby. It's yours. All you have to do is sign."

"I can't ever pay you back," I sigh out, thinking of all the goals I'll want to accomplish in college. Having to owe someone so much will only bring me down. "This isn't right."

"It's a gift," she leans forward, kisses me on the cheek and pushes a pen into my hands.

I have to think about things most of the time. Opportunity strikes and I'll still be standing there, trying to sort through the pro's and con's. But as London shifts her hand over mine and leads it down to the line with the little X, I think that maybe this time I can wing it.

-x-

It's raining the day Baily kisses me.

There's really no other way to describe how strange it is to finally have her make the move after a year of bearing with the harsh patience. It's annoyance that tingles at the tip of my fingertips as she draws near. My hands grasp the counter behind me, almost to brace myself as a laden fear surfaces.

Water hits the deck outside, splattering against the glass of the windows. Everything is in a haze and I can only watch as she comes closer.

With a lasting smile and fleeting ambition, her soft hands grip the back of my neck, pulling me to her waiting lips. Nothing electrifies us like the year we spent together. There is no satisfying clutch that glues me to her, no content feeling. But she feels something-I know because I know _her_. She's the kind that sorts out her feelings before jumping in, like me. However, this time I know what I'm feeling at this moment and with a sickening revelation, I know it's not going to be easy to admit (especially to myself).

Backing up, she grins with her shining blue eyes. "Let's leave the past behind us, Cody. Let's start ourselves again. What do you say?"

I can't say anything. Not when this has all come too late. Not when I keep planning my future and things tumble right in my path. Not when I've got a billion other things on my mind plus one.

And not when I spy _her_, from across the room, gazing at us with hands folded in front of her and head slightly bowed.

Baily asks me something but I can't hear her. Shaking my head, I look at her and with a strained voice, I say, "No, Baily."

Desperate to get away, I glance over to where London Tipton still stands. She's so far away, I can't talk to her now. And, with a quiet nod, she smiles sadly and turns away. Baily grips my arm, confused and frustrated.

"What do you mean? You've loved me forever. Now you're saying you don't?"

Tightly shutting my eyes, I shake my head again. It hurts and throbs. Her hands grasp my shirt.

"No, I—I can't talk now, Baily."

Before she can say another word, I rush off in the direction London went.

-x-

"Why run?" I call after her, disoriented and breathless. "London, stop."

She looks over her shoulder and feigns a grin. "I'm so happy you two are together!"

It's a moment when it's half cliché and half averted, because this is London Tipton. Everything with her is upside down. I have to smile at that.

"London, we're not together."

Frowning instantly, "You're playing her? That's not honest, Cody."

"I'm not playing or having a relationship with her," I deadpan, already tired of discussing this. "Things won't go so well if I go down that road."

"But," she pauses, tilting her head to the side in confusion, "I don't understand. She kissed you. And don't you love her?"

"London," I sigh out, throwing my hands in the air. "Aren't you hearing me? I want a relationship with _you_!"

She stares at me with suspicion. "Is this about the house? Cody, you don't need to pay me back."

Frustrated, I glare at the girl meters away. "No, London. I'm talking about how I want to be with you. Not about debts."

Tiredly, she waves a hand and offers another rare and sad smile. "But it'll never work out. I should know—I have plenty of ex-boyfriends to back me up. You don't need me."

In seconds, I'm left in the middle of an empty hallway, rain still pouring on the outside.

And _bam, bam_-two rejections in one day.

-x-

"Wow! Look at this place! It's got to be three stories," my mother gasps at every view she spots. "And there's an elevator. This is amazing, Cody."

Zack comes besides me and elbows my gut jokingly. "You're so making this place mine too, right?"

"My name is on the agreement. But okay, whatever."

My twin pumps his fists victoriously in the air, probably already mentally writing the list of girls he wants to invite for a party he's planning tonight without permission. He's not even attending a college and he gets a free ride. Nice.

Sighing, I turn to Mom and am surprised to see her gazing at me with that strange, but very common, sympathy stare. Usually it follows a, "Honey, it'll be all right," or maybe, "Your brother will grow out it," but she just stands there with wise, narrowed brown eyes and worn hands upon her hips. It's odd, but throughout the years, I've never noticed how much that look matters to me. Because it means it _will_ turn out all right.

"Darling," she sighs out, "I love you."

"Yeah, I know," I offer a half-hearted smile and move a box up to my room.

-x-

Classes begin in two weeks and I'm still freaking out. And it's not just because of the amount of parties Zack hosts at my house that annoys me. It's the damn future thing.

It's quiet in the house tonight, eerily enough. I assume my twin is out partying at someone else's, or maybe trying out the date thing for once (y'know, with _one_ girl and not trying to play seven at a time). So my feet lead me to the outside porch in the back. I thought that paying the bills for this place would be a hassle, but Mom's got it covered, apparently. And I still have that extra money from the couple years of working. I'll be fine, I realize. It's still bothersome.

Baily hasn't called me for awhile and I take it she's never going to look in my direction ever again. I wish it could have ended differently, but I'm pretty much stupid when it comes to confrontations. Last I heard, Zack took her out for a "friendly" lunch. I don't believe him, but I really don't want to go there. Other old friends keep in touch, save for London. Woody stops by every now and again. Moseby visits, mostly out of courtesy for my mother, considering the two are strangely friends. Zack and I probably helped with that somehow as mischief's.

The sliding glass door opens and closes and I turn, expecting Zack. But as I imagined the face of my twin brother, the sight before me contradicts it in every way. Long black hair, the shiny clothes and the widest grin I've ever known.

"How did you...?" Talk, Cody. It's okay, just talk. And breathe, don't forget that.

She shrugs her shoulders and throws a thumb in back of her. "Found a spare key for the door about a month ago. Isn't that funny?"

No, it's not funny. It's nothing near humorous. But I'm laughing anyway because, damn, she's _right in front of me_, giggling like everything has been all right. My heart races as she steps closer.

"I...I thought I'd stop by for a few days. Just to catch up."

It's all I can do but shake my head in disbelief. "You're not that clueless, are you?"

Moments pass as she gazes at me with wide, expecting eyes. Her hands clasp and unclasp anxiously. My thumbs hook into my back pockets as she finally averts her eyes. In a low, serous tone, "You're right. I'm not that clueless. I don't know when to slow down but I understand when things are the wrong time."

I nod slowly, grimly. "And then was the wrong time."

London Tipton grins at me, appreciating how I finally get it. "Baily and I are still friends. I don't want that to go away. We like each other, you know."

"Yeah," I sigh, "I know."

"But," she pauses, a mischievous smile upon her lips, "_we_ like each other too."

"You just said tha—"

She laughs and points to me. "You and I, dummy!"

Sighing, I throw my head back and roll my eyes. "London..."

"And now we'll see how good you are in the classroom full of other geniuses like you."

But I do like the sound of that. She's staying for awhile and God knows I've missed having her around. And, hell yeah, I like the idea that we're alone at last and there's no schoolwork between us. Trigonometry and past girlfriends aside, I think I'll be just fine tonight.

* * *

-x-

* * *

fin.

* * *

-x-

* * *

It sucks, but there has to be at least a few London/Cody fics out there.


End file.
